Softball Aristotle

Just a quick thought for Friday...

Arden played in her first All-Star game of 2013 last night. She was 3 for 3 with three singles and two RBIs. She caught two fly balls, made two long throws to first from third base and didn't let one hit ball, of which there were many, past her at third. She is eight years old, probably the smallest girl on her team and did all of this in-between having her blood glucose tested, getting insulin and having me adjust her basal rates through a fence while countless people looked on.

After the game we drove home together and Arden started to talk to me about the game. She said that she felt bad for some of the girls because it seems like, "They feel a lot of pressure when they play". She went on to talk about how she wished they didn't feel like the game rested on their shoulders and went on to speak about how she keeps her head clear when she plays. She actually said that it's important to play relaxed.

I talk all of the time about the perspective that diabetes lends to people who live with it in their lives everyday. I always think about those lessons in terms of what they bring to me but last night in the car... I began to see the perspective that type I gives to Arden. She is fiercely competitive, to the point where I have to bolus for her adrenaline when she competes, but she doesn't feel pressure when she plays. How is that possible? She isn't nervous or overwhelmed, she doesn't get too high if they win or too low if they lose (not diabetes high and low, emotional) and she's even aware of other players feelings as the game is played.

The only answer I can come up with... Looking at your meter when it says 39 while listening to the four frantic beeps of a CGM telling you that it's time to worry about your immediate well-being, must really prepare a person to handle life's pressures.

The Descendants Made Me Cry 3 Times

WARNING - This post is full of spoilers for the movie.

This past weekend I found myself exhausted but unable to sleep. Remarkably, it wasn't diabetes that was keeping me up (like it did the five nights prior), this night I was trying to stay awake so I could pick my son up from a party at 1 am - so I turned on the television and found that 'The Descendants' was about to begin.

The movie follows a man (George Clooney) as he comes to terms with the news that his recently comatose and soon to be dead wife, was cheating on him. There is a scene toward the latter part of the film where the wife's father (played by Robert Forster) puts his hand on his adult daughter's head and kisses her while he is coming to terms with the fact that she won't be waking up. That made me cry the first time. It was a small moment in the film that was very touching, but did not effect me personally.

After the movie ended I made my way to Arden's room so I could make some last adjustments to her basal rate. When I was finished, I bent down and kissed Arden on her head just as I always do before I leave her room when she is sleeping. It was then that I began to cry for a second time, this time it felt personal. This time I thought about losing my daughter as the man did in the movie. I thought about how hollow the world would seem without Arden, and I wondered if I would want to exist in the void that her passing would leave.

I never thought about diabetes...

Until I did

I walked into our bathroom to collect myself because Kelly was sleeping and I didn't want to wake her. It was dark and so I could only make out shadows. There are personal photographs in that room and one of them is of Arden standing on the beach, it's from a few years ago and she is walking toward the surf with her hands stretched out to her sides. I took that picture as I watched her walk away from me. She looks like she is trying to absorb how wonderful the moment was... like she wants to hug the sun. I love that picture.

I just about had myself together when I heard Arden's CGM beep

Then I thought about diabetes and all of the things about it that we try to guard against but don't speak about very often. I thought about the possibility of long-term complications. And that's when I fell apart.

I was okay a few minutes later. I pulled it together and reminded myself that I get extra emotional when I'm tired and then I went back to Arden to check on that CGM.

I'm sharing this story today because I imagine that something very similar to this has happened to you - and it will happen again. It's totally normal, expected and human and I wanted you to know that it happens to me too.

BTW, I really liked the movie, if you've never seen it you should check it out sometime.

Pooh. Gilly. Bear.

Arden has been fighting off a cold for the last week and her BGs have been low overnight as a consequence. We've used up more juice boxes this week then in a literal year of overnights prior. I'm beginning to drag a little bit from the experience but Arden, despite her distaste for drinking juice when she isn't thirsty, is taking it all in stride.

I can't seem to avoid these lows, I've tried everything. By the time this story happened I had resolved myself to the fact that we would be dealing with low overnight BGs until her cold passes.

But anyway... last Friday we went to the movies and saw Monsters, Inc. Many hours after the movie ended in the wee hours of the morning, Arden's CGM alarmed and woke me. I checked her DexCom receiver and saw that her BG had fallen well below the low threshold, so I tested. Arden needed to drink a juice.

I was able to wake Arden with very little issue and she began to drink. I held my left hand behind her back at one point because she was having trouble holding herself up. When she finished the juice she handed me the empty box and said, "Thanks poohgully bear". Her words seemed without meaning, I was startled by her jumbled communication. Perhaps her low blood glucose was more severe then the Dex and meter indicated. I was worried that she was becoming incoherent. I asked her, "what did you just say?" and without missing a beat, she smiled and said again, "Thanks poohgully bear". I responded this time, "Arden, I'm sorry but I don't know what poohgully bear means. It sounds to me like you are saying, Pooh Gilly Bear".

"No, not poohgully bear", she said. Then she spoke the words again only slower saying, "Poohgully bear". In this instant Arden and I had slipped into an Abbot and Costello routine. I was sitting on her bedside saying, "pooh gilly bear" and she was responding with words that sounded, to me, exactly like what I was saying. Finally I realized that everything else about our conversation, sans poohgully bear, was very coherent so I stopped worrying that her BG was much lower then indicated. We agreed that I wasn't going to understand her message and we said goodnight. I told ther that she could go to sleep, adding, "I'll be back to check on you in about fifeteen minutes".

Before I walked out, I couldn't help it, I asked one last time "poohgully bear?". Her little voice answered back in the darkness, this time very, very slowly, "pooh gully bear". I laughed and said, "Arden I'm hearing pooh and bear but I just can't make out the middle word... are you saying gilly?" She answered only, "Never mind" and then giggled. I left the room expecting to never know.

Her BG leveled out some time around 3 am...

The next morning Arden and I were making breakfast together while Cole and Kelly slept in. I brought up our conversation because I wanted to know, even though I imagined that she wouldn't remember. "Any idea what 'thanks poohgully bear' means" I asked.

Then Arden said this, "Remember last night we saw Monsters, Inc., it's what Celia calls Mike... poohgully bear".

I laughed so hard that I thought I was going to break a rib and then replied, "do you mean Googley Bear?".

"Oh, is that what she calls him... sounded like Poohgully Bear to me".

We smiled at each other and then I couldn't help but to walk over and gave her a big hug.

Most low BG stories aren't any fun, but this one, this one needed to be shared.

Click the image to hear Celia

Update on Monday, March 18, 2013 at 9:45PM by Scott Benner

My new book, "Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal' is available now - Amazon/Kindle - Barnes&Noble/Nook 

Update on Monday, March 18, 2013 at 9:45PM by Scott Benner

My new book, "Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal' is available now - Amazon/Kindle - Barnes&Noble/Nook 

Have a Happy and Silly Thanksgiving

We hope that you have a peaceful and loving day surrounded by those you hold dearest!

Be well...

I'm Blue

Our 2nd JDRF Walk shirt, circa 2007

Today is the first Blue Friday of Diabetes Awareness Month. Wear something blue today and then tell a stranger why you are. Continue throughout the month to wear blue, and each Friday of the year.

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