Super Bolus, I Fear You No More

I just couldn't take it anymore. I'd count the carbs perfectly, pre-bolus at exactly the right time and still there are certain foods that require another bolus an hour later. On the surface you would think that I wasn't administering enough insulin but that couldn't be because every once and a while the bolus would work - but not usually.

Example: Movie theater

Arden is a nacho and popcorn lover at a movie, and we see our fair share of movies. Most times, I measure, count carbs and bolus only to watch her DexCom G4 point it's arrows to the sky before the second act is over. Then I spend the rest of the afternoon dropping random measurements of insulin on the number in an effort to get things back to a desired level without going too low. Sounds like a bad Price Is Right game, doesn't it?

Then it just hit me a few weeks ago, we have a CGM, why am I erring on the side of caution and chasing highs when I could be living on the edge of glory with Arden's DexCom G4. Suddenly, I felt stupid. All of this time I was playing scared when I know that's how you get hurt. Time to put my head down and run through a few wood be tacklers. (Sorry, my metaphors are all over the place today)

So I looked at that food on Arden's lap, counted carbs and then added every drop of extra insulin that I ended up given her at the last movie. My new thought, "What's the worst that could happen... she starts to get low, the DexCom catches it and we throw back a fast juice box and catch the fall".

That's exactly what happened

We watched Star Trek, Arden munched on her snacks and about an hour into the movie Arden's DexCom line had never wavered, her BG was 118 and steady. This was either going to be the perfect amount of insulin or too much. About fifteen minutes later, "Beep, Beep, Beep", 92 one arrow straight down. No big deal I thought - then I leaned over and said, "Here Arden, drink this juice". Twenty minutes later the CGM line was steady at 88, Arden was able to graze her remaining popcorn without worrying about bolusing and her BG never fluctuated, even hours after the movie had ended.

All of these fancy diabetes gadgets and I was using them to chase numbers instead of staving them off. I know that this sounds scary to many of you and I know that it takes time to find your comfort level, but please believe that on the day that you gain that level of comfort... this is all going to seem so much easier. Sadly, you can't rush that day to come, but it's so worth getting to and it makes me incredibly happy to know that you will all be there one day with me - kicking type I diabetes in it's annoying ass.

Arden's Hands are Growing

Yesterday morning I entered Arden's room about an hour before her alarm was scheduled to sound. Her DexCom G4 was asking to be calibrated and so I put a test strip into the OmniPod PDM, turned the MultiClix to a new lance and took my daughter's hand in mine.

As I was choosing a finger to strike a hole into, I noticed that her hand felt heavier then it did the last time that I held it to test. I was certain that it hadn't grown bigger since the day before, but yet it felt unmistakably heavier. I sat on her bedside as the machine did it's job and found myself feeling lucky that I have these moments with my sleeping girl. Not too many people get to do this I thought. I get to hold Arden's hand almost every evening after she has fallen to sleep and those moments give me a different perspective on her growth and allow me precious time to gaze at her growing face.

So if you are in need of a silver lining today, maybe this thought could be one for you. We get to hold our kid's hands while they sleep. 

Diabetes Forecast Magazine

Keep your eyes open for an interview with me in the upcoming June issue of Diabetes Forecast Magazine. I'll be featured in an article titled, "Fathers Know Best".

Update on Sunday, May 26, 2013 at 9:46AM by Scott Benner

The issue is beginning to arrive in subscribers mailboxes... It is such a great honor to be interviewed for this amazing publication!

Diabetes Co-Stars

Click to help DHF

Sanofi US is supporting the Diabetes Hands Foundation with an initial $10,000 program sponsorship. But, when this documentary reaches 10,000 online views, Sanofi US will double that sponsorship for a total of $20,000! Please consider clicking over to help DHF receive this donation. 

What is the Diabetes Hands Foundation?

At the Diabetes Hands Foundation, we believe no one touched by diabetes should ever feel alone, because together we become stronger and have the power to generate positive change in ourselves and our community.

Diabetes can be a very isolating disease, so we provide platforms where people with diabetes and their loved ones can connect and have an open dialog about their experiences with this chronic condition. Instead of looking at the disease, Diabetes Hands Foundation seeks to understand, connect and energize the millions of people living with this condition.

Sesame Chicken you Motherless $%&^@

It was a long Sunday and the nights hours were burning away quickly. We just wanted to have a fast and easy dinner when we made the call. It ended up being anything but.

I pre-bolused. I counted carbs. I over-estimated those carbs. I set temp basal rates. I did everything that I know how to do and two hours later, it appeared as though my foresight had won the battle. Arden's BG was 150 two hours after insulin and some ninety minutes after she finished eating. I was victorious!

That victory was however, short-lived - Chicken and rice... not so nice

The next few hours were a slugfest. I traded punches with diabetes all night. It hit me in the jaw, a countered with a bolus. It responded with a gut punch, I shot insulin with a needle. Uppercut, water bottle. Jab, Temp basal. We went back and forth like two prize fighters in a ten round fight. This exchange went on until four in the morning, I was staggered by the unrelenting nature of the attack. Defeated physically as well as spiritually.

We just wanted a number four with dumplings

It's so incredibly frustrating at times. The old diabetes adage really does stand true. You can do everything that you did the day before in the exact same situation and get completely different results. We don't make a habit out of Chinese take-out, but I was certain that I had developed a great system for combating those crazy carbs. Not on this night I guess, my best laid schemes failed me.

 

But little Mouse, you are not alone, In proving foresight may be vain:

The best laid schemes of mice and men

Go often awry

The most difficult part of staying up overnight in these situations isn't the loss of sleep, though that did eventually catch up to me. It's the stillness of the dark and how it allows you the time to reflect on what the high BG is doing to your child's body. The darkness makes me want to be better. Do better, make better decisions. I do a fair job of not beating myself up in these moments, I try to learn their lesson. Knowing that you are standing in the dark with me helps keep that attitude in the forefront of my mind. We are only alone in these moments if we forget that somewhere, there is another person just like us, having the same doubts, fighting the same fights. The DOC is always with you!