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Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal: Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Dad

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Entries in type I (352)

Thursday
Apr182013

Guest Post: I wrote a piece for WEGO Health about the Power of Communication

From the WEGO Health Blog

WEGO Health is proud to announce the recent publication of Scott Benner’s first book: Life is Short, Laundry is Eternal: Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Dad. Scott is the 2011 winner of the WEGO Health Activist Advocating for Another Award, and an amazingly engaged member of the WEGO Health network. In honor of this outstanding accomplishment, WEGO Health is giving away three copies of the book to members of our community. Today is the last day to enter the contest, so head on over to our Facebook page and share today’s post about Scott’s new book for your last chance to win a copy.  Not a big Facebook fan? You can also retweet WEGO Health to enter!

 

I hope that you can take a few moments today to read my guest post over on WEGO Health's blog. Here's a snippet of what I wrote:

 

It’s possible to face your challenges alone; I know that because I tried. But eventually the burden becomes too heavy and it can begin to drag you down. Alone you are one person pulling a mountain, but together, together we are unstoppable. On the days that are too much for me, I look to others to find the strength to carry on. Those people, those sometimes faceless friends that I have found online, they hold me up until I can stand again. Before I know it, I’m fine and ready to help them during their tough times.

 

WEGO is giving away three copies of my book today when you retweet or share their blog entry - good luck! Hey, even if you don't win today there is still time to enter my GiveAway for a signed copy of 'Life Is Short'.

Wednesday
Apr172013

What have you always wanted to say to your child's teacher

Is there something about type I diabetes that you always wanted to say to your child's teacher but just couldn't? A fact or maybe a personal story? Have you ever dreamt of telling the administrator (that looked at you cross when you asked for an addition to your child's 504 plan) that you haven't slept through the night in countless years? Have you even once considered telling someone to go $%#@ themselves but instead smiled and nodded?

Tomorrow I will be giving a workshop at the Hamilton, NJ Barnes & Noble to fifty teachers about 504 Plans from the families perspective. We'll be talking about why I think that forming good relationships is so vital for not just the child, but the family, the school and the educator.

If you have something that you'd like me to pass on into the world, something that you think would help an educator to better understand our lives - I'd love to carry your message to them. 

I genuinely believe that if the school could just get a glimpse into the world that we live in, they would become better partners in our children's education... and not just for children with type I diabetes.

There are so many families that would benefit from that understanding. Tomorrow I'm hoping to send a message that will reverberate beyond the few districts that will be represented. I want to leave them with a story that they will be touched and informed by, one that they will want to retell.

 

More information about the event is here on Barnes & Noble's website.

Monday
Apr152013

This Picture Makes Me Smile

 

Do you see Arden in the middle of the purple glowing smoke, the one wearing the hat. Arden danced the night away on Saturday during her first Bar Mitzvah without a care in the world. I just wanted to take a second to tell everyone how grateful my family is for the technology that makes moments like this better. Without Arden's DexCom G4 I would have interrupted her fun countless times during the evening. Each time taking her from the moment and drawing attention to her diabetes. Instead, we were able to monitor her post meal BGs from across the room and when she did require a bolus of insulin, I never took her OmniPod PDM out of my pocket. 

Wireless. Tubleless. Goodness.

Knowing that Arden was safe, carefree and completely unencumbered by diabetes while she danced is a feeling that may be lost on other parents, but I think that every parent of a child with type I will look at his photo and smile along with me. As a father, I found this moment to be completely joyous - nothing beats seeing my kids live without limits.

Have a great week!

Scott

Tuesday
Apr092013

Hoping vs Living

I want type I diabetes to be cured. I hope in my heart that it happens in time to benefit Arden, but I do not spend time hoping for a cure. I try not to confuse hoping with hope, though it's difficult on some days not to.

This morning while I was doing maintenance on Arden's Day, I noticed that a Google user found my blog by searching the phrase, "how close is a cure for type 1 diabetes" and my heart ached for them.

If you are that person, or more likely, if you are a person who has diabetes or loves someone who has diabetes...

Please know that I have felt like that too. I've wondered in my mind, cried out loud and franticly searched the internet for the answer to the only riddle that matters. I think that it is immensely normal to hope and thoroughly human to fight for that hope to become your reality. I relate to the feeling that would lead you to a web browser. I know how difficult it was to type your query.

You are not alone. I understand. I know what it feels like to want to blur the line between hope and the grand amount of fortitude that is required from you every day - I know that you need a break. The only advice that I can lend with confidence is the advice that works for me. Don't give up. There is nothing worse than giving up. Fight. Try to be hopeful without hoping. Be strong when you are anything but. How do you do that? You don't give up. When that doesn't work... when you drift away from reality and hoping seems like a great place to escape to for a little while... Find someone who understands, let them lend you the strength that you need.

There is an entire community of diabetes advocates online that understands how you feel. Find them. They are on Twitter, FaceBook, they write blogs - find them.

Another great place to meet people is on the DSMA twitter chat that happens every Wednesday night at 9pm EST. It's run by a wonderful woman named Cherise and is a great place to meet other people just like you. Learn more about DSMA at this link.

We don't live with diabetes, diabetes lives with us. We have the power. On the days that it feels otherwise, find someone who understands because nothing is more powerful or more renewing than community.

Wednesday
Jan162013

A Day in the Life of a Diabetes Dad

I want to thank the Co-founder and President of Diabetes Daily David Edelmann for inviting me to contribute periodically to his wonderful site. Moreover, I want to thank him for understanding when I expressed my desire to repost on Arden's Day, in it's entirety, my work after it had run on his site. This is not the norm and generous of David to agree to. Reposting is not an attempt to "double-dip", it is being done so that all of my diabetes writing can be housed on Arden's Day for reasons of backup, cataloging and posterity. Please know that I was not paid for writing on Diabetes Daily nor did I compensate them. With that said, here is my second piece for Diabetes Daily as it ran on December 26, 2012.

What do you imagine was the most difficult aspect for me when I sat down to tell you about a ‘Day in the Life’ of a child and her father who are living with diabetes?

The most difficult part was deciding where to begin chronologically…because our day never really ends.

Since I’m not a fan of blog posts that read like log books, I’ll spare you the “7:15… my alarm goes off” style that comes to mind when you hear, ‘Day in the Life’ and instead tell you a few stories that will bring you closer to understanding a typical day as it plays out in my head, heart and home.

My daughter Arden is eight years old. She’s had type 1 diabetes since a few weeks after her second birthday. I have been a Stay-At-Home Dad for coming up on thirteen years. Before diabetes, morning were hectic, but now….

Drag a comb across my head:

I wake up each day one hour before Arden so I can make adjustments to her blood glucose if they are needed. I decided a long time ago that I would always do my best to make sure that Arden can begin each day with a steady and in range BG. I don’t have type I so I don’t know for sure, but I’ve spoken with adults who do and their descriptions of high and low BGs is heart wrenching. I can think of no worse fate then not feeling in your mind and body like yourself. So even though I know Arden’s BGs won’t be perfect throughout the day, I make sure that she doesn’t have to wake up feeling less then what she deserves.

I make adjustments to her BG around 6:30 am. That’s usually enough time to coax a high number down or a low number up with a negative temp basal. That way when she wakes I can pre-bolus for breakfast, giving her Apidra time to begin it’s fight while she runs through her daily fashion routine. I like to see at least a diagonal arrow down on Arden’s DexCom G4 before she begins to eat breakfast.

#&@#*&$ breakfast is a bitch isn’t it? I’ve taught myself how to let Arden have what she wants in the morning while mitigating her BG spike. It took a long time to find the combination that held that spike down without causing a low three hours later. Most days my system works, but you know, sometimes not so much.

I just became comfortable this year with a lower BG and descending CGM arrow as Arden steps on to her bus. I know that the food will quickly play it’s part during that ride to school, I trust the science of it now but that trust took years to build. Somewhere along that bus ride, the dance begins. Some days I lead, some days diabetes leads. Each new day is a surprise that I meet with a calm that only years of living with diabetes can lend to a person. “Here we go,” I hear those words in my head as Arden walks down our front lawn everyday. Here we go!

Arden is in third grade:

This is a big year for us in regards to diabetes management (sorry, I know some don’t like calling it management, I don’t particularly like it either but it makes the point) in school. During Arden’s first three years she would visit the nurse at every BG check, bolus, and before and after activity and food. This year is way different and very exciting. Arden carries her cell phone with her throughout the day and she and I converse, mostly through text message, making decisions about testing, food, and everything else. She has yet to visit the school nurse this year for one, not one, diabetes related issue. It’s like the coolest thing ever!

Arden’s phone has reminders set and she texts me the information that I need to help her make decisions about her diabetes management. If the reminder doesn’t get her attention, thats okay, my phone has them too. Most conversations go like this:

Arden: 127 diagonal up (we use an emoticon arrow)
Daddy: Okay, let’s look again in 20 mins.
Arden: Now it’s 150 and steady.
Daddy: Leave that, text again at next reminder.
Arden: k
Daddy: Love you.

Arden carries a small bag that holds her phone, OmniPod PDM, lance, a juice box, bit of candy and extra supplies with her throughout the day. We briefly speak before lunch to talk about her bolus and if she feels like she can finish her meal. It’s a lovely way to do things that wasn’t easy to set up on the school side, it took time and patience but I’m so happy that I handled things the way that I did. We’ve slowly built a solid relationship and no one is happier then the school that Arden is no longer missing class to visit the nurse.

If I struggle with BGs, and of course I do, the worst time is after school:

The bolus that is needed to hold down a lunch time spike is bigger then I’d like because there is no opportunity for Arden to prebolus the meal. Recess is immediately before lunch. No big deal but it does leave her CGM line drifting down around 4:30 p.m. It’s a slow decline but one that needs to be addresses with food. I can’t make basal changes to help because, as anyone with diabetes can tell you, it doesn’t happen consistently. I strongly dislike the pre dinner snack. I frequently under value the carbs or the bolus doesn’t have time to work before dinner. Something always gets askewed this time of day.

Dinner, practices, homework, shower, bed:

If only it were that easy. Dinner bolus, I am always later with that bolus then I want to be. Then there’s that small but normally stubborn post meal spike. Nothing of course makes homework more of a chore then it already is then a high BG. During the spring and summer Arden has softball, during the winter, it’s basketball. My son Cole has the same schedule and so this time of day goes by the fastest, it’s the most difficult to maintain control of and It sucks.

Dad, I’m hungry:

The bedtime snack adds three more hours to my management day, “three hours,” who am I kidding, it’s more like five. We always get a nice pre bolus in before a bedtime snack but Arden’s BGs can be difficult at this time of night. It’s a literal crap shoot. The correct amount of insulin is always either too much or not enough. On the evenings that everything actually works out as intended, I genuinely don’t know what to do.

It’s between 9 p.m. and 2 a.m. that I get the most done around the house. Laundry, dishes, a little TiVo. I’m generally exhausted by 10 pm having spent my day literally living my life and mentally walking through Arden’s, but this is not the time to rest. Diabetes keeps on chugging along. Having a CGM makes the entire exercise significantly easier. Back in the day I’d be sneaking into rooms to test at set intervals, now those test are less frequent and the new DexCom has a great signal range so often I can keep it with me, eliminating the need to run back and forth to Arden’s room.

With some luck Arden won’t need more insulin after she has gone to sleep, but I’d estimate that she does about three times a week. I don’t go to sleep until I’m sure that there is no more active insulin in her body. On good nights I hit the pillow around 1 am. Most nights it’s 2, but 3 or 4 isn’t unheard of.

I’ve taught myself to live well on five hours of sleep, I normally get those hours between 2 and 7 am. It’s all worth it when Arden wakes up in range.

I guess that is why I choose to begin this story in the morning, not because it’s the beginning to my day chronologically, my days don’t feel like they begin or end. Quite honesty, my days haven’t felt like they’ve reset since the day Arden was diagnosed.

I think that I choose the morning because her face renews me everyday when I see her open her eyes feeling like herself.