Life Is Short: Leighann Wrote a Book

It all begins with Leighann Calentine writing a book...

... because her opportunity created other opportunities. Leighann's book was to have a handful of sidebars written by some DOC members. Luckily for me I had just written a piece for her blog that she wanted to include in the book. She asked, I gleefully accepted, and months later her book was about to be published.

I never submitted my bio to her publisher and so one day they contacted me for a few lines about myself to include with my sidebar. That's when I met Lynne. I'm chatty and so if you get on the phone with me, I chat. I ask questions, tell stories, don't judge... it's sometimes lonely being a Stay-At-Home Dad. Lynne and I got on right away and she seemed to be enjoying our talk. As she got more comfortable, I got more comfortable, and then I asked how a person gets the opportunity to write a book. She told me about the numerous ways that it could happen and then expressed that she enjoyed what I had written for Leighann and said, "if you ever have an idea you should tell it to me".

Well you don't say that to a man who has wanted to write a book since he was five and not expect to get pitched a book on the spot.

I began speaking in the pause Lynne created at the end of her statement and I don't think I stopped until I fully expressed my idea for a book about being a Stay-At-Home Dad. When I finished speaking I was a bit embarrassed. She hadn't asked me to pitch a book, hell I'm not even sure she wasn't just being polite when she said, "If you ever have an idea...". I spent a long few seconds imagining that I may have just burnt this bridge but I felt good that I took my shot. That book idea had been in my head forever and it was ready to be let out.

My pitch must have been pretty good becasue that phone call ended with the promise that my idea would be presented at Lynne's next pitch meeting. I couldn't believe it, I found the notion that a publisher was going to sit in a meeting and pitch my concept almost otherworldly. Her promise marks the first time this year that I have been lucky enough to say and mean, "I never hoped or expected for this to happen to me". I was grateful and excited to hear back.

I tried not to wonder that next weekend if the Friday meeting really included my idea or if anyone liked it if it did. Monday morning I woke up thinking about that meeting, wondering, but I quick put it out of my mind and began my day. No one was calling, I'm just a guy that blogs about type I diabetes, sure I have stories and yes, I think I tell them well, but what are the odds? Pipedream at best.

But then later that day Lynne called, holy crap she really called! My pitch was a hit at the meeting. "How much time would I need to submit a sample table of contents" for review? I was shocked, surprised, excited, stunned, my head was spinning. I couldn't think of my name let alone how long I'd need to write a TOC. When Lynne hung up the phone I danced around my bedroom in a way that I am quite sure was neither attractive nor dignified.

I only recently had the courage to tell Lynne this next part. I sat down two days later and wrote my table of contents in ten minutes. I already knew the story that I wanted to tell, all I had to do was give each chapter a direction. The next day I went back to my list and added a three sentence description to each. I was describing to myself what I wanted each chapter to be about. I was drawing a map that I could follow when I wrote. I read and re-read that TOC a million times before I sent it off. This was it, this was my one opportunity. No one was ever going to make me this offer again. I believed that I was benefiting greatly from being at the right place at the right time. There was no way the universe was going to line up like this for me twice. I was going to take my best shot, grab on to this moment and not let go until I had no more to give to it.

I put that effort into my pitch, my TOC and if someone at Spry Publishing actually wanted to take a flyer on me, I was going to pour every ounce of who I was and what I had to offer into writing the best book that I could.

In the next installment Life Is Short: Where do I Sign you'll find out if they said yes to my TOC (spoilers, they do), I'll talk about my nerves and how I overcame my self doubt so I could began writing.

Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal has it's own FaceBook page, you can visit it at this link or like it with the button below.  

Update on Monday, December 10, 2012 at 2:43PM by Scott Benner

This was part two of my 'Life Is Short: Book Blog'. Part one can be found here.

Update on Friday, January 4, 2013 at 3:53PM by Scott Benner

Entry # 3 - Life Is Short: Where Do I Sign

Life Is Short: Book Blog

I didn't have any intentions back in 2007 when I first published my thoughts online, no great plan, no goals, I just wanted someone to hear me and understand - I was lost, sucked into a vast confusion by Arden's diagnosis. I didn't know what I was doing with this blog until I received the first piece of email from a reader. It was from a mother who thanked me for sharing, then she offered me support. That email gave this site a purpose, it gave me a purpose. I wanted others to feel the relief that her kind connection gave to me. 

I feel a very real responsibility when I share my type I diabetes experiences with you and I sincerely hope that feeling shines through when I do. I've never blogged about anything other then diabetes until now.

I'll be blogging periodically about what it was like to write my book. I hope that you'll find the story interesting and even motivating. It's a story of luck, hard work, a little right place/right time and a whole lot of "look what we can all do together". I'll be titling these posts Life Is Short: Then the blog title so that you can easily tell these posts from the ones about type I. I want you to have the clear choice to either read or skip them as you see fit. I thought very long and hard about whether I should speak about the book here and if I did, how much was too much. I desperately don't want it's existence to take from or sully what I've built. Does that make sense? This blog has always been and will forever remain one of my proudest accomplishments. The feeling that I get from sharing here with all of you far exceeds my wildest dreams and I wouldn't trade your respect for anything. I don't need or want anything more then for 'Arden's Day' to help in some small way. I'm quite sure that most if not all of you know that, but I wanted to say it up front. Okay...

None of that means that I am not excited about my book, I'm crazy excited! I've been writing since I was a child and having a book published is so much more then I hoped for. When I think about what being published means to me... much comes to mind. I'm giddy at the thought of a book spine with my name on it, I have to be honest. Most of all I'm pleased to have the opportunity to keep a promise that I made to my wife a very long time ago. Kelly always believed in my writing and it took me a long time to be passionate enough about a topic to warrant me putting my thoughts down. I never doubted that I could write but I didn't want to write just anything. Nothing in life is certain and this opportunity may only ever come once, I want what I say, what gets bound and bears my name to mean something. I feel things very deeply, watch life intently and I pride myself on seeing humor, love and meaning in places that can often go unnoticed. These things bring me a wonderful peace, one that I'd like very much if others could feel too. I believe that I finally had something to offer that is different and this book is my best and most sincere attempt to tell that story. If I never write another thing, I'll always be proud of the words, sentiments and message that I poured into my book.

'Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal: Confessions of a Stay-At-home Dad' is not unlike 'Arden's Day'. It's the stories that struck at me deepest, stayed with me over time and taught me that parenting is the most important thing that I will ever do. Some of the stories are funny, some earnest. I think that you'll laugh a bunch, cry a few times, get scared, angry, hopeful and if I did my job you'll put the book down seeing parenting through my eyes.

My next entry Life Is Short: Leighann Wrote a Book will include the story of how the opportunity to write came my way, the beginning of the writing process and a bit about how I freaked out and happy danced after I agreed to write the book. With a little luck I may have the final version of the cover to show you soon. I hope that this first entry demonstrated that I plan to be as transparent about the book process as I am about diabetes. I genuinely believe that the ride I'm taking right now belongs to all of us, there is no way that a publisher would ever know my name if it wasn't for the strength that the diabetes online community possess.

- Scott

Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal has it's own FaceBook page, you can visit it at this link or like it with the button below.  

Update on Tuesday, December 18, 2012 at 4:32PM by Scott Benner

Entry # 2 - Life Is Short: Leighann Wrote a Book

Feverish thoughts of love and life

Maybe it was the fever, but being sick this week made me think about my family in an oddly morbid, yet thoughtful way. I was on the second floor of our house trying to weather the storm of what ever virus had grabbed a hold of me. My back hurt, my stomach was in one giant knot, I was feverish and for a number of hours had a genuine concern that I was more then just sick. At the height of my worry my children began to arrive home from school. Kelly worked from home this day so she was on the main floor to greet them and take care of the afternoons events. I was trying to find a comfortable position and get the sleep that I hoped would drive away all of these terrible aches, pains and concerns when I heard Cole come home from school.

I have these great conversations with my son Cole each day after school. He walks in through our garage, most days full of energy, then we talk about his day. He almost always tells me about some silly thing that he and his friends did, we go over test and quiz results and there is always a moment when we hug. Frequently we take the talk outside, throw a baseball around for a few minutes, and wait for Arden to get home. It's one of my pure joys as a stay-at-home dad. On this day, my sick day, Cole came in and found that I wasn't there. I don't get sick often so it was a bit of a surprise for him to hear from Kelly that I was upstairs in bed. He came up to check on me, but I was too ill to talk. When he returned to the first floor, I listened as he and Kelly had the conversation that we have together each day. I loved that Kelly was getting a chance to enjoy one of these moments with Cole. I heard him find a snack, get out his books, and begin his homework just as he does everyday. A little while later Arden and I made the last adjustments to her BG via text message, and I sent Kelly a note telling her that Arden would be home soon, where I thought her BG would be when she arrived, and that I was done for the day managing diabetes.

Arden soon arrived home, all of the noises and movement that I experience each day as a stay-at-home dad began to fill the air. I don't know why, and as I said maybe it was the fever, but I started imagining their lives without me. I guess I felt pretty sick, because I was pondering my mortality on a serious level. 

I've been the type of person throughout my life that thinks scenarios out to their end. What would I do if the house was on fire? How would I react if someone grabbed my child in a store? I have a contingency plan for all kinds of reasonable, yet unlikely moments. Here is a true, yet embarrassing admission, now this is sharing... I know what I'd ask a genie should one pop out of a lamp. I just wouldn't want to waste a wish, ya know?

Anyway, I spent the next few minutes listening closely to my family, and even though I already have a huge heart full of gratitude for what they mean to me; this moment took that feeling to a new, and higher level. I thought about throwing the ball with Cole, and how sad it was to consider never hearing one of his stories again. I wondered how Kelly would handle the afternoons with me not there? Who would help Arden with her diabetes when she was at work? I didn't realize that I would miss making them dinner or breaking up one of the ridiculous disagreements that they seem to have around 5:30 everyday.

My family means everything to me. I am sure they would eventually move on if I was gone, but it wasn't the idea of leaving them that made me sad, I mean it did but I was most struck by how difficult it was to consider not having the conscious notion of them ever again. I couldn't believe how much listening to them go about their day filled me with love and joy. It was obviously the concern in my mind about my health that led my thoughts to something unpleasant, but I am glad that I considered them. Life is so short, and it's easy to take the little stuff for granted. 

My fever has passed, and I'm no longer worried that I have something significantly wrong with my health. I decided to tell you this story in the hopes that you may take a few minutes and listen from another room to your family. Little moments and the pauses in between, that's where life and love live. We could all use a reminder of that now and then, this was mine. 

Book title announcement

The internet does so much to connect people and it accomplishes that feat by making the world a smaller place. I once believed that my voice couldn't transcend my little town, that writers didn't come from places like the one I lived. Due in no small part to social media we are no longer isolated from places, events and people. Everything that your mind can imagine is now at your internet enabled fingertips.

Last year I was graciously asked to write a little piece as a sidebar for a diabetes parenting book and the publisher liked what I wrote enough to not hang up on me when I, in the middle of an unrelated phone conversation, began to pitch my book idea like I had nothing to lose. Pretty gutsy for a man whose only other printed works were from an elementary school writing contest (see pic below). I began to tell the publisher about all of the experiences that I've had throughout my life living in what is generally considered to be a woman's world. I told a few stories and ended by professing my sincere desire for people to see their relationships and families through one another's eyes, a gift that our role reversal has given me. A few weeks later I was writing a book about being a stay-at-home dad.

I expect my next book to have a slightly nicer type set.

I've always hoped that I'd have an opportunity like this and I want you all to know that it's due in large part to your support of Arden's Day that I am getting this chance. I can't thank you enough for the continued love and support that you've shown me through our 'internet connection'. I am working hard to bring you the same honest, emotional look into life as a stay-at-home parent that I've tried to bring to type I caregiving. I don't think that you'll ever look at the primary caregiver in your family the same way again.

My book, 'Life is Short, Laundry is Eternal: Confessions of a Stay-At-Home Dad' will be available for Father's Day of 2013. The book tells a bunch of great stories from my 12 years of being a dad but most of all it's a love letter to the people that stay at home and raise our children. Being able to watch Cole and Arden grow is one of the true pleasure of my life and I hope that everyone will leave the pages of my book feeling the same way I do about loving and raising a family. 

I want to thank Leighann from the D-Mom Blog for starting me on this road when she asked me to write a piece for her new book, Spry Publishing for not hanging up on me, WEGO Health for spotlighting bloggers that are writing books and my family who has been so understanding as I write these past few months - I promise I'll get back to cooking decent meals very soon!

I'm going to do my best to keep you up to date on my progress as the writing process moves forward. At the moment, I'm just writing and trying to hit my manuscript deadline of September 1st. 

related links:

My author page

WEGO Health's Health Activist Authors series for online writers interested in making the jump to print.

Leighann's Book, 'Kids First, Diabetes Second'