Met a nice family

First I need to say that Arden choose this picture for the post. I asked her which to use and she said, “the one where we twist our faces”. The glasses that she is wearing are BTW cosmetic... oh little girls!

Anyway...

The other evening my family went out to dinner, we took two cars because Arden and Kelly were out shopping and Cole and I met up with them at the restaurant when they were finished. When it was time to leave the kids went with Kelly and I stayed behind to pay the check. As I was getting up to leave I saw that the little girl next to me was giving herself an injection in her arm. I spoke to them as I was leaving saying, “excuse me” before I began.

The next day I received a great email from the little girl’s mother and I want to share some of it here without using their names. The bits from her email will be in bold...

To be honest, I initially thought you were going to say something to us about not having our daughter give herself insulin at the table! I just heard you say "Excuse me" and I thought, oh God, here we go. We offended this guy by having her inject herself in public.

But that isn’t what happened, is it? I told that little girl (she was about 11 or 12) that I thought she was a rock star for injecting at the table and not being embarrassed!

It was the exact opposite, and it was a nice surprise to have someone support her for a change. I think she liked hearing what you had to say too, it made her feel good. She doesn't get positive feedback often...

Well I’m glad that I didn’t come off as creepy!

The last couple of years have been frustrating in so many ways...

Wet talked for a few minutes and I tried my best to let the family and that sweet girl know that they weren’t alone and that much of the trials that they face are faced by all of us. That they get easier and that there are a lot of people that would be happy to help them. I told them about all of you on Twitter (hey tweeps!) and in doing so I said Arden’s name...

The father says, “what was your daughter’s name again?” and I repeated, “Arden”. He looked at his wife, she looked at me, smiled and said, “I know you, I’ve been on your website”.

Here I thought that after almost 2 years of caring for my daughter’s diabetes, I had it down and felt that I was educated and informed. Your website humbled me pretty quick. There's still SO much left to learn and it's clear we are only just beginning...

So for anyone that is reading this, you aren’t alone and to the people that blog about their experiences... you are helping others so please keep it up!

Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks and we'll definitely be following your blog and maybe I'll start a Twitter account eventually...

**

The following are archived comments from this post. You can post new comments below.

Sarah

YEY for incidental D-meets!!! So glad you were able to encourage her and her family! Here's to hoping they're on twitter soon so they can find the awesome DOC there!!! :-)

Thursday, February 24, 2011 - 11:23 AM

Lorraine

Neato. :)

Thursday, February 24, 2011 - 11:36 AM

Penny

How very wonderful, for you and the family!

Thursday, February 24, 2011 - 07:13 PM

My girlfriend Kelly

A long time ago in a lifetime pretty far away I had this great girlfriend named Kelly. This pictures was taken on New Years Eve way back in 1995. My girlfriend and I were about to leave for New York to see Patrick Stewart’s last performance of ‘The Tempest’. 

The next year I made my girlfriend, my wife and a few years after that I turned her into someone’s mom (I’ve since apologized). A lot happens when you’re married, more then anyone could ever tell you. Even more happens when you become parents, home ownership adds a bit more, in fact with every step you take through life, you gain more responsibility and you seem to have to pay for that responsibility with your time.  Kelly and I celebrated our tenth anniversary a few weeks before Arden’s diagnosis. A number of weeks later our endo informed us that the national average for divorce is 1 in 2 but when you have a chronically ill child, the number goes to 2 in 3. What a gift giver our endo is, huh? 

Anyway, a lot of our time together is taken up with kid stuff. Baseball, softball, homework, housework, paying the bills, worrying about paying the bills, the list goes on and on. 

I’m writing about my girlfriend today because the other morning I was having a conversation with a friend, a good conversation and when it ended my first thought was, “I wish I would have had that conversation with Kelly”... But Kelly and I don’t seem to talk like that much anymore. We more talk about, diabetes and mortgages, who wanted the dog (that only happens when the dog is annoying), stuff like that. Then we get tired, watch TV and go to bed.

So you know what I did yesterday? I called Kelly at work and asked her to look away from her screen, “please don’t read an email while we are talking”, I said. Then I told her what I just told all of you, that I had a great conversation with a friend that I felt like I was having with the wrong person. I joked that I should have stayed best friends with her and married someone that I didn’t like as much. You know, so she and I could talk more about just stuff and not so much about our property taxes and what floor wax would work best in the hall.

I’m always bitching that we should be transparent about type I, so here’s some transparency. The best marriages are already tested by life’s “stuff” and then diabetes comes along and turns up the intensity. You don’t raise your voice at your two year old when their blood sugar is 54, it’s 3:30 am and you’re exhausted. Bad enough you’re trapped in your own personal ’24’ moment, the bomb is ticking... you test, 89... five minutes later, 71, then 64 - guess what? It’s not easy to get a two year old to chow down at 3:30 in the morning, freshly ripped from a crib, with a BGnow of 54 but be damned there you are trying to get it to happen. That moment is intense and frightening, it’s horrible and it makes you want to go find your mom and dad, except you are mom and dad. Then in that moment, when you can’t decide do I cut the red wire or the green one (and before you can snip it you have to talk the wire cutter into drinking apple juice) you get frustrated and you yell at each other. Then the words of your endo flash into your mind, “the divorce rate goes to 2 in 3...” and you think, “f**k”, I’d give anything for to be on the train to NY in 1995 right now, laughing and kissing and not worried about anything. How much would I love to wander the streets of NY again at midnight on New Years Eve, holding hands and taking in the world? A lot. I’d love it a lot.

Since that ain’t happening anytime soon... Here is what I have for you. Take a moment tonight to tell that person on the other side of the couch something sweet, reminisce about a great moment from your past. Then get your kid’s BG as steady as you can, stuff them in bed and have sex before you remember how scared you are and how much all of this bites. 

What? I’m not a psychologist and I don’t have any new age wisdom. 

Three F’s... Make Friends, Forget and Have sex. I say we all make it a thing!

**

The following are archived comments from this post. You can post new comments below.

mhoskins2179@yahoo.com

Outstanding post! Thanks for the laughs, and sage advice!

Friday, February 4, 2011 - 07:15 PM

alexis- @sugar_nova

Love Love Love this post! Dh and I do this well all the time lol. When asleep or kids in school. We know Js ok and we take that moment to exhale and...enjoy being alexis and terrence. Husband and wife.

Sounds like you guys got it going on too!

Saturday, February 5, 2011 - 12:35 AM

Eliot LeBow LCSW

Take care of you, your couple relationship, your child, and diabetes in this order. If you don't take care of you first how can you take care of your relationship and so on. Great Blog but its more then the three F's, Your Endo isn't a therapist and to deal with moment's like that without fighting and working as a team is one key to a happy marriage. 

Food for thought. If your upset your child will feel your energy and follow right along with your mood. Take some deep breaths and drink a glass of water. After centering yourself then go back in with warmth in your heart and a smile on your face. Last piece try their favorite food or drink. Won't take apple juice how about trying candy or chocolate, an Oreo cookie. I know that Juice is fastest but if you spend 30 minutes trying to get the kid to drink juice, whats the difference. Try balancing what the Endo said and common parenting sense. 

Twitter@DiabeticTalks

Saturday, February 5, 2011 - 07:52 PM

Scott

Eliot,

I really appreciate that you took the time to read the post and to write such a thoughtful reply! I want you to know that this post is a conglomeration of many moments and in no way is it indicative of an average day. If you ever make it back here please try re-reading it as a writing of comedy (though a bit dark). You took the whole thing a bit literally when it was meant much more tongue-in-cheek. All the best,

Thursday, February 17, 2011 - 09:55 AM

From the mail

I get a fair amount of email and sometimes I share it, this one not only touches me, it gives me the opportunity to remind you that Arden’s JDRF bowling fundraiser is today.  Two birds with one heartstring...  I won’t identify the reader that sent this in but they know who they are... These fine folks drove a long way last year to attend our bowling fundraiser, a fact that almost brought me to tears when I saw them walk into the bowling alley.  Anyway, they can’t make it this year but they sent this email in their place.  It spotlights quite a lot about what it means to have, live or love in a type I world and it also is the kind of note that helps me find the energy to keep up the site when I find myself too tired or busy to write...

“Hi Scott,

Thank you so much for the invite.  I can’t believe how close the date is to when we would have been able to make it.  We will be visiting in New Jersey during the week of January 15th through January 20th.  We will celebrate J’s 7th birthday while we are there (her birthday is January 24th).  Wish we were there on the 29th because we definitely would have attended the Bowling Fundraiser with you and your family again.  However, so glad we did get to meet you and your family last year.

My daughter and I still follow Arden’s web-site religiously.  We can relate to everything you write.  And, we realize, like you, that unless you are a type 1 diabetic or caring for a type 1 diabetic, you would not have a clue as to how much work and worry is involved with caring for a type 1 diabetic.  And, if it were just the work, we would not complain - it's the worry that is at times unbearable.  Luckily, I live right across the street from my granddaughter and see her every single day; however, every night when I go to bed I can’t wait until I speak with my daughter the next morning to find out that J is o.k.  Even though I know my daughter is setting her alarm every night to test her, I still worry.  Unless someone is dealing with this directly, they do not understand.

In addition to following your web-site because of your exceptional explanations of the everyday dealing with type 1 diabetes, I also like to follow Arden's progress since she reminds me so much of my granddaughter.  From what you write about Arden, I can tell she is also such a happy and brave little girl, like my J.  They never complain and deal with something that no child should have to deal with.  I pray every day that in their lifetime there will be a cure.  And, I also pray that I will be here to see that day.  I pray for nothing else more than for that.

Again, thank you and God Bless you for all you do.”

A long time ago when I started this website I remember being asked, “why are you doing it?” and responding, “maybe it will help somebody”.  Seems as though it does. I’m touched and humbled that even one person stops by to read what I write. Thanks to everyone that reads and if you are in the central Jersey area please consider bowling with us today. Arden’s bowling event has raised nearly $6,000 in three years and it’s ALL due to the hard work of Dan Stewart. I don’t do anything... Thank you Dan!  

The event begins at 3pm. If you can’t be there please check twitter for pictures (if I can get Arden to look at the camera).

C’mon out! (click the link)

http://web.me.com/skca/Ardens_Day/Daddys_Blog/Entries/2011/1/5_Time_to_Strikeout_Diabetes.html

The fall

Last night around 7 pm Arden experienced a spike from dinner that required a bolus.  Even though I asked myself if cutting the amount of insulin by a third might not be a good idea (since we were so close to bed time)... we were covering a big number and all the math added up so I gave the bolus.  Two hours later Arden was getting into bed and we were chatting about the weekend.  

I checked her CGM and she was 90 with a diagonal arrow down.  I tested, shut off her basal insulin and got her a glucose tablet.  Her BG got as low as 75 at one point but I was able to control things with some more basal magic and I’m happy to report that she awoke for school today at 133 and had a nice steady line all night.

But that’s not what got me blogging today...

What got my to the blog machine today is this.  Arden had just finished the glucose tablet and I was touching her hair, trying to help her to sleep.  In a quiet moment she said in a whisper, “I can feel the fall”.  When I asked her what she meant (though I knew and just wanted to hear it in her words) she said, “I can feel the insulin making me fall...” I asked, “where on your body do you feel it?”.  “In my head, I can feel the insulin in my head make me fall”.

I don’t have any words of wisdom and at the moment I can’t see any lessons to take from this.  I just wanted to share that Arden can, “feel the fall” and that it makes me sad.  Even though I knew this already and I use those words when talking to the school nurse at least weekly and even though it helps her to avoid lows... to hear Arden say it made me sad.  I’m not bummed out, just sharing. I hope everyone has a great day!  

One good thing about all of this is that there isn’t much time to look back... you just have to keep moving forward.  huh, look at that, there was a lesson in this.  I’ll be damn.

**

The following are archived comments from this post. You can post new comments below.

Leighann of D-Mom Blog

Love the photo!

In our "6 Things" video Q talks about how she feels when she is low, like she could flop down.

Sometimes she tells me she feels low and when I check her she isn't. Surely it's the insulin kicking in and she's on her way down. Sometimes she's said she's low and he number is fine and we recheck her in a while and she has dropped dramatically. Maybe she can feel it way before it's reflected in her numbers. (And this is where I can see that having a CGM would be helpful.)

I guess the good thing to take away from it (if there is ever a "good thing") is that Arden has hypo awareness, some kids don't.

Thank you for sharing.

Monday, January 10, 2011 - 12:14 PM

Scott

The Christmas hamster was a big hit!

Arden totally feels the drop.  

You're very welcome, transparency is the key to advocacy.  Thank you for yours as well!

Monday, January 10, 2011 - 09:13 PM

So many emotions

The other night I was giving Arden a bolus before bed. This was the conversation...

Me: “I’ll be in to check your CGM in about an hour”

Arden: “When I don’t live here anymore, like when I’m in college what will I do?”

Me: “By the time you are in college you have a system just like I do... you’ll know how to get your BG in a good place before you go to sleep”

Arden: “What if I don’t know what to do, can I call you?”

Me: “Of course you can, you can call me whenever you want for your whole life - for anything”

Arden smiled and gave me a hug...

and I was able to hold my tears in until I got into the hall...

**

The following are archived comments from this post. You can post new comments below.

Stacey D.

Unless you're living with it or living with a loved one who is living with it, you won't realize just how emotional diabetes is.  To everyone involved.  Your post brought tears to my eyes.  I'm sure I felt the same way when I was around Arden's age.  Tomorrow marks my 29th d-versary and I cannot believe how things have changed.  For the better.  And I can only imagine how much more things will change for Arden as she gets older.  I wish I could give you both a hug! I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and New Years :)

Thursday, December 23, 2010 - 11:02 AM

Lorraine

Oh Caleb has said this to me many times. The same conversation. They know how dependent they are on us. They aren't sure they can do it themselves, even though we tell them they can. I do hope things improve as much for them as they have for Stacey.  That is my hope.

Friday, January 7, 2011 - 02:37 PM

Scott

I wanted to say, "don't worry, I'm coming to college with you... And on your honeymoon and when you go to the grocery store..." :)

I too am hoping for an evolutionary leap in the tech that we all rely on...

Friday, January 7, 2011 - 06:54 PM